Shailene Woodley Hard Time

Shailene Woodley wanted her people to know she was fine after being arrested for trespassing while protesting the Dakota Access Pipeline. Woodley Facebook streamed all three hours of her protest on behalf of the environment and the Indigenous Peoples of America and subsequent arrest for trespassing and smelling far too Comanche.  

As with all Millennials, Woodley’s initial reaction to any consequences to her actions was one of utter shock. Though to her credit she actually set foot in a state in between Los Angeles and New York, unlike most of her socially enlightened celebrity peers.

“Why am I being arrested and no one else is? Is it because people know who I am? When you asked us to leave, we did.”

Woodley was released on $500 bond after some minimal processing and will likely receive some kind of light probation in the state of North Dakota. Not exactly Nelson Mandela thirty years of hard time, but you’re getting there.

Next time, consider a more prominent nose ring and perhaps less organic free trade alpaca fur covering your face. You’re a pretty girl. Maybe consider enhancing your chest and someday you’ll find a boy and settle down and have someone to watch your cancer movies with. Trump out.