Tori Spelling Breeding Program Continues Unabated

Tori Spelling is reproducing like somebody now known primarily for a cheating husband and being consistently late on rent. It’s unclear if all of Spelling’s relationship and financial disasters are real or staged for the cameras of her various second tier basic cable reality shows. The babies are certainly real. This is her fifth. Her last two came less than a year apart after her husband fucked a baby into her while just a couple months postpartum. Given how she looks even pre-partum, let’s assume this is a husband Dean McDermott fetish.

“It was a total surprise. But we always wanted a big family. I’m really excited.”

A total surprise meaning you were off birth control and Dean was plowing you in the missionary position while dreaming of normal looking tits? This is your fifth. You know exactly what you’re doing and you’re not even close to Catholic. 

While most women in Hollywood have settled for one natural kid or a half dozen Asian or African adopted collector packs, Spelling has bucked the trend by producing a ginormous litter of offspring through her cloacal type opening. While her shtick is pretending she’s dead broke, her mom lives a mile away with $500 million in the bank and feud or no feud, you know she’s funding those grandkids.

Oxygen channel reality shows and a long-term unemployed husband with occasional Cooking Channel gigs doesn’t cover the only non-Hispanic family of seven in Los Angeles.