Andy Cohen’s Run Out of Good Stories

Bravo’s Andy Cohen has yet another tell-all book out. You figure an openly homosexual man enmeshed in the world of second tier celebrity and entertainment would have some decent yarns to spin. Cohen may be all out at this point. Once you’ve told everybody you fucked Lance Bass and you did not fuck Anderson Cooper, where do you have left to go?

In his new book, Superficial, Cohen comes up with some non-bombshells his publicity team distributed in a breathless misleading headline. Andy Cohen’s AIDS bombshell! The explosive news is that despite practicing only safe sex while banging his way through various young boy toys, Cohen had a panic attack waiting for the results of his last blood test:

“Every scenario runs through my head and all roads lead to the inevitable moment where everything changes. That didn’t happen today, and I breathed yet another sigh of relief.”

Almost as thrilling as that time Brian Williams flew an F-22 on a low altitude raid of a Taliban anti-aircraft fortified stronghold. Condoms are ninety-nine percent effective. Are you lying or AIDS baiting?

Cohen traces his anxiety back to the days he first arrived in New York City and his party mates were dropping like flies from contests over who could have the most reckless anal. This doesn’t seem like a full book. Maybe an Advocate article. Plus, you’ve already told that one. Come back with a Kanye or Joe Jonas versatile bottom all-nighter and you’ve earned your Kindle commissions. 

_{Photo credit: Splash News}