Details have emerged as to Anthony Weiner’s thirty-five day, $25,000 cyber sex therapy program. To his dismay it’s not one of those scared straight programs where they try and fuck all the cum out of you. Also, lots of drum circles. When my dad caught me smoking he tried to teach me a lesson by making me smoke the whole pack. Really upped the tolerance. Weiner now has to send dick pics to all of Tinder. It’s the only way.
Weiner’s therapy is taking place at the Recovery Ranch, a sprawling compound outside of Nashville. Weiner was recently seen participating in Equine Therapy. Keep the female inpatients far away from that horse. It might look like fun but it’s dangerous. The facility houses fifteen beds and is separated by gender. Patients are also without their cell phones. They are currently devising fairly unnecessary yet fantastical plans to fuck each other behind various barns. I’m here voluntarily. Walk away, Marisol.
The entire thing is a sham. People don’t change that much. The only way to make Anthony Weiner stop being a dick obsessed beast is to castrate him or persuade him to divorce his wife and fuck a ton of barely legal women while that still remains legal. He may even go gay for the stay. I’m unemployed and still pretty well off. 700 bucks a day room, board, and horse riding? Fuck it I’m moving in, these chicks are fucking freaks.
Photo Credit: Recovery Ranch