The piling on in the final week of this cluster fuck of an election is going to be tremendous. The Clintons are paying people in bottle caps and T-bills to find any clips of Trump saying the word “cunt” or “bitch” and the other side is dropping bombs of every known penal code violation on the Clintons.
A group of conservative ministers and abortion rights activists and black dudes who claim to have met Jesus hosted a press conference for Danney Williams. This now thirty-year old has been claiming Bill Clinton is his deadbeat dad for at least two decades now. Or since somebody figured out having a black son out of wedlock seemed like too good a story not to cover. Williams pops up every now and then with some sign behind him demanding justice. And a vague portrait of himself and a young Bill Clinton wherein you’re supposed to note a resemblance. It’s about as solid as the Khloe and OJ two-ups. Kris Jenner and Bill Clinton were both super whores in the 80’s.
According to Williams, his mother was a prostitute in Little Rock in the mid-80’s. No word on how her career fast tracked after that starter job. Bill Clinton was out jogging one day when he ran past Danney’s mom and invited her to come have sex with him and a couple other girls. She obliged, because she’s a hooker and that’s her duty. The story seems very Bill Clinton-esque. Except for the jogging park. Let’s assume he was sauntering.
Williams claims his mother became pregnant that glorious afternoon and even after being told about the baby, Clinton never accepted responsibility. In fact, Hillary Clinton promised to ruin Danney’s mom if she ever came forward again. It remains unclear how you ruin a low rent prostitute, but Hillary isn’t entirely bereft of ideas.
Williams’ pleas for justice don’t mention specifically what he hopes to gain by Bill Clinton recognizing him as his son, but those $750,000 speaking fees time fifty have to go somewhere after Bubba’s dead. Williams and his team of odd looking gremlins insists that they need the cum stained blue dress from Monica Lewinsky to make his dreams a reality. His plea really is to Lewinsky to let him in on some of the good stuff. Maybe see if it matches his own.
Depending on who you ask, this matter was either resolved during an actual DNA comparison back in 1999, or it’s still up for grabs, though entirely a load of horse crap. If this were happening to anybody else, you could well up some measure of sympathy. Almost nobody deserves to have every scrap of their private lives made into political fodder. Except perhaps those who do the same to other people. Williams’ end game seems dubious. If he really believes this shit, his championship trophy is learning that Bill Clinton really did fuck his prostitute mother. Unless there’s a dramatic segue into a duel and a running through with the foil, this seems rather shallow in terms of victories. Plus you can’t fuck Chelsea.