Mariah Carey Striking Back (VIDEO)

Mariah Carey is serving up the best kind of revenge on her recent ex-fiancé. The kind where you pretend you’re having a fling with your young male backup dancer. Step one, wear something super provocative. Step two, alert the paparazzi that you’re ducking out the back of some hot nightspot with a mystery man. Step three, remind Bryan Tanaka not to makeout with dudes on the dance floor where you two are supposedly getting crazy jiggy. The gossip headlines don’t write themselves, so have your press people do that for them.

Jennifer Lopez pulled this exact same shit with her 20-something backup dancer after her 120-pound husband started cheating with any chick who would compliment his weak mustache and not give him a huge headache. Lopez very publicly bought her dancer a Ram Quad Cab. Nothing says straight like a man with a waxed chest in skinny jeans behind the wheel of a two ton pickup. Carey’s already made famous her rule about not having sex outside of marriage, so it’s unclear how far she and her gay beard have gotten in the sack. The sad sack billionaire is likely drowning his emotions in foreign girl pussy.

By way of halftime report, Carey’s got the fat engagement ring and the gay FWB. Packer’s got the Bulgarian gonnorhea and three new Gold Coast shopping malls. Happiness remains elusive though still loosely related to not expecting good things to come of stupid decisions.

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