The One Finger Selfie Challenge Is What’s Next

Now that Trump as Hitler memes have fallen off by nineteen percent, social media can once more return to the progressive breeding ground supported almost entirely by dudes whacking off to girls seeking attention for their sexuality. Any technology that exposes the inevitably base instincts of human behavior makes for great content. Invariably tits.

“Challenges” are the new way for women to pretend they’re not at all similar to girls who strip off the Interstate for wads of singles. Mostly in that those strippers walk away with cash. Which still buys more groceries than Instagram likes. The mannequin challenge allowed women to show themselves at full goddess potential. Lifeless, emotionless, and half-dressed. Like a Baylor Football after-party home video. The new one is the one finger challenge. A grand excuse to barely cover your genitals and pass Zuckerberg muster while still embarassing the shit out of your parents who are still trying to accept experiential marketing associate as a real job.

While enduring prevailing media lectures about gender bias that seems to only affect men, comfort yourself in the reality that especially young women will forver want attention without their clothes on. Let them pick out the names and convenient excuses. Take smart phones away from your daughters. There’s your entire plan.

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