The Moon Ruined Buzz Aldrin

Walking on the moon as a relatively young man is like being captain of the football team and banging the hottest chick in high school. You’ve got a lifetime ahead of you and there’s nowhere to go but down. Classic early peaking. At the time of all the Apollo missions it was perhaps thought that someday soon your average joe would be kicking rocks a two hundred yards on the lunar surface. Like a trip to Disneyland, though less expensive. That never happened. The number of men who have walked on the moon is tiny almost fifty years later. 

Buzz Aldrin is one of those guys. The man who walked on the moon. He’s been looking for a fix ever since. Occasionally he’ll beat up conspiracy theorists who claim the moon walks were fake because that allows them to raise about five hundred bucks a month to pay their rent. That’s not enough. So at eighty-six Aldrin decided to explore Antarctica. It’s like the moon on earth. Barren, cold, filled with Russians.

Aldrin didn’t get far before he lapsed into a medical crisis and half the world’s resources at the South Pole had to evacuate him to New Zealand. You’re not supposed to go exploring the poles at eighty-six apparently. Perhaps he was looking to make a big going away statement. Across the seas to Valinor with Gandalf and the elves. Those moon walks will get you. Pace yourself next time.