And the $100 Jean Shorts Shall Guide Us

There are those moments when a product comes to market that your brain tells you is completely moronic while your years of living on this planet tell you is going to make more money than your baseball card trading blog, by good measure. Bored gay designers in France have invented chic shorts with a vibrating guidance system tied via bluetooth to your smartphone’s GPS. Because the cure for cancer space is too crowded:

The geolocation feature allows you to navigate through your urban journeys while on the move using guiding vibrations either on the right or left side of your Essential jeans. This technology provides an easier, and above all more intuitive option to help you find your meeting place, or where your car is parked, for example.

Absolutely nobody understands the meaning of the word intuitive any longer. It’s not women in SUV’s on the wrong side of the road at one-quarter speed limit staring down at their phones. Or the pedestrian version of that. The first person to wear wired in electric current in their shorts will win some kind of Darwin Award. On humid days you’ll find your quadricep muscles twitching uncontrollably. Full bore precipitation and you might as well be running the hair dryer in the tub while doing Jäger shots.

As a general rule you don’t deserve to find where you’re going if you’re counting on your pants to get you there. Yet this company will hook up with the Kardashians or similar and sell a million pair. Nobody’s ever gone broke imagining their customer is a vapid twat with low confidence. That’s true of women and men. See Fathead.com

_{Photo Credit: Splash/Thomas Frey/Spinali Design}