It’s not altogether flattering that at thirty-five you’re in the news for making out on the beach with some dude. The press is in a frenzy because Paris Hilton was on some Mexican shoreline rolling around with a dude in jeans and no shirt which screams of foreign escort. Chick bloggers immediately referred to the guy as Hilton’s “new beau”. This under the same logic by which Obama referred to ISIS as misguided young men suffering from lack of a Aleppo after-school programs.
Unlike her socialite peers, Paris Hilton has chosen to never marry. Not for lack of cocaine addled suitors. Or dowry. In her defense, by fucking around loosely in her herpetic undergarment shields, she’s had the focus to build herself a business empire of licensed aromas, disco clothing, and DJ services. The mere existence of her substantial commercial revenue streams proves there are plenty of people on this planet far dumber than Paris Hilton. For instance, every single person in Dubai.
Hilton’s work may not be appreciated, but she has some gainful employment. That gives her the right to fuck dudes on the beach unmolested from inquiry. God Bless America. Occasionally, also Mexico.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI/FameFlynet