Stitches Get Bitches

Florida rapper and probably welfare recipient Stitches was arrested in Florida after he pulled his Porche into a handicapped spot at a Whole Foods. Racial profiling seems pretty wrong, but face tat profiling seems completely within reason. Cops recognized him based on his lazy eye and went to speak with him, discovering he was smoking a joint which is frowned upon in Florida nearly as much as butt sex and green vegetables.

Upon searching his car, police discovered Stitches had a Glock, ammo, and a huge jar of pot. No kiddy porn. Jackpots only exist in fiction. Guys like Stitches are intimidating. Not because of the face tats. Who wants to fight a guy with AIDS? Who cares what the doctors say about the chances of transmission via a fist fight. Are you really going to enjoy the casino knowing you just washed HIV positive blood off of you?

Stitches has a wife and three children. The Mormon couple next door who brought you a care basket when you got your wisdom teeth out are still trying. The story of Stitches is a microcosm which serves to prove many suspected truths. Namely, while most people with face tats are total douchebags, so are a higher percentage who choose Porsche. Whole Foods is the smoking gun.