Ariana Grande Teasers Seem Obvious

Ariana Grande and her promotional team who can count are urging her fans to download and stream her new song Everyday as much as possible through Spotify. If they reach a certain milestone, Grande is promising the front end of the bell-curvers a lyric music video of Everyday. So, the same music video, but with printed lyrics in some kind of cheesy animation graphics.

They’re referring to this glorious moment as when the lyric music video will be “unlocked”. That sounds dramatic. Though it really means that once Grande has received millions in royalties she’ll release a re-do of the video that costs thousands. Also, fans make them on their own and they’re usually better. Mattress stores have superior business ethics.

Grande responded to being halfway to “unlocked” with a “mood dance” on Instagram which is six seconds of her looking happy. Really? Captain Kangaroo life lessons would fly right over these people. Considering all of her songs are double-entendres about her boning dudes with big cocks, is intellectual age seven really the target for her marketing campaigns? Don’t answer that, you’ll be judging. These are the moments you look at people who burn books in the public square and wonder if maybe they’re onto something.