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Just Another Hippo Dead in South Central (America)

February 28, 2017 | WTF | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

The best cure ever for being mired in the America-is-going-to-hell dark thoughts is a little trip around the rest of the world. It’s a fucking sewer. A beloved hippopotamus at the shitty San Salvador zoo in one of the many Central American country overrun by street gangs was bludgeoned, punched, and cut to the point it bled out from internal injuries over the course of several days. Who the fuck code reds a hippopotamus?

Zoo keepers didn’t even realize the much adored hippo, Gustavito, was injured because it’s a zoo in El Salvador. Maybe you show up every other Tuesday. A wounded animal bleating in the corner for forty-eight hours isn’t your concern. The murder rate in El Salvador is so high now, they had to logarithmically shrink the Y-axis figures for it to appear in a bar chart with Chicago. Nerd humor. 

Ghandi said something about how you can judge the humanity of a culture by how they treat their animals. What a pussy. Also, the least attractive PETA activist ever. Though he was onto something about blind cruelty to defenseless animals. It’s certainly a sign that you’re no steps removed from sociopathic serial killer. Are there no hookers left in El Salvador to snuff? Understanding many are now changing bedding at Days Inns across the U.S.

For all its problems, America has yet to have a hippo beaten to death. At worst, we intuit that our orcas are sad and numerous anxious fat women cut themselves to make it better. You think you got problems? We don’t need a wall. We need a dome. After we get rid of the Philly sports fans. You killed, Gustavito. You bastards.

Tags: gustavito




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