Leave Jamie Lynn Spears Alone

The Internet is a mixed blessing. On the positive side, porn and illegal Russian live streams of premium sporting events. On the negative side, everything else. 

Jamie Lynn Spears kid Maddie by way of Spears’ boyfriend who made her fat with a baby at sixteen was involved in an ATV accident, flipping over into a pond and trapping her underwater. Spears rushed to rescue her daughter, desperately cutting away the seat belt to pluck Maddie from beneath the water. That’s probably pretty fucking frightening for everybody involved. Within moments of the kid being rushed to the hospital in dangerous condition the Internet went into overdrive casting aspersions on Jamie Lynn Spears, rednecks, celebrity sisters, and anything else they could lay waste to from the comfort of their ratty couches.

Yeah, the kid was eight and solo navigating a mini-Polaris. But, fuck, that’s awesome. You want to cure the snowflake generation, put a third-grader behind the wheel of an off-road vehicle that flips on the regular. You might lose one or two, but it beats the lingering decay of childhood diabetes and playground helmets. Jamie Lynn Spears lets her kid live. When Maddie’s released from critical care it’s time for a hunting trip. Slap a twelve-gauge in her tiny hands and teach her to be a real American. The Chinese robots are coming and Maddie is Sarah Connor. Scars are God’s way of saying you’re living right. 

_{Photo credit: Splash News}