Reese Witherspoon Stands for Women

Reese Witherspoon claims she started her own production company out of a moral obligation to give women a fair shake in show business. Absolutely not because she wants to make a ton of money by taking advantage of the current sociopolitical climate. Because of her strong character, she is now a producer on the show she stars in along with an all female cast, Pretty Little Lies on HBO. In the future we should all profit from our altruism, even though those two things mean almost the opposite. If you’re feeling really generous, you can help women around the world get access to clean water by buying a super faggy Stella goblet. What a hero you are, drinking premium beer out of your chalice. Witherspoon actually said this with a straight face: 

“For 25 years, I’ve been the only woman on set.” 

Really? What about that awful movie Vanity Fair from a few years back that nobody saw? That was directed by a woman. If you’ve ever been on a movie set there are a ton of women being employed. Roughly, fifty percent. There are more male directors than female directors, by good measure. To give her the benefit of the doubt, this is probably what Witherspoon is referring to.

Being a director largely entails intimidating other people into doing their jobs. Like being a quarry foreman overseeing a bunch of hungover workers who wouldn’t mind a half-assed day. Maybe men are better at throwing their weight around. Maybe it’s sexist, it’s primal and difficult to modify via industry memo. 

If you feel the need, scour her IMDB page for the various cast and crew associated with Witherspoon’s movies. If she didn’t notice all these women, perhaps she was ignoring them. Although that would be hard when they’re in your scene. Maybe she just proved why there’s a discrepancy. If women are unable to think logically and put facts ahead of their emotions, they just can’t have powerful jobs. I didn’t say that, crazy Witherspoon did. Shoot her. Kidding. Women don’t use guns. Poison her.

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