The Human Rights Campaign for gay human rights routinely hands out awards to straight Hollywood celebrities to watch those silly straights struggle to invent gay credibility stories. The NAACP does the same to witness white actors talk about the jazz musicians their old man used to bring home to hang. Black guy fucked me with his trombone. Dad was drunk. I’m one of you.
Katy Perry was honored for her work as a supporter of LGBTQ rights including her 2008 song, I Kissed a Girl, and a bunch of other great things nobody could quite put into words. Perry worked the crowd over like perhaps only gay baiting James Franco could have matched:
“I Kissed a Girl and I liked it. Truth be told, I did more than that,”
It was a delicious tease that caused hooting and hollering from all corners. The lesbians would’ve tossed in tons more Tubmans if Perry had invented more detail.
Perry noted that as the daughter of two pastors who traveled the country denouncing Jews and grifting money off the bible belt, she was raised to believe that homosexuality was evil. Perry admitted to praying at Jesus Camp to make the gay leave her body. Silly kid. If those prayers worked, Jesus Camp latrines wouldn’t be so incredibly busy after lights out.
Perry claims that even as a young girl she knew that sexuality was more than black and white, as she pointed to her black and white dress, to remind you that she had rehearsed that line. Also, that her degrees in advanced medical and psychological sciences came mostly before twelve. Sexual fluidity is the Human Rights Campaign’s version of “San Dimas High School football rules”.
Later in the evening Lena Dunham presented America Ferrera with the You’re Not Gay But You’re Helpful award to entertainers who are especially nice to their fabulous entourage. Giving everybody a half day for Cher’s birthday was the kicker. A society’s humanity is only as gracious as the way it treats it’s most elite and privileged gay people. Peach martinis still give nasty hangovers. We’re not even close to done.
Photo credit: Splash News