Kristen Stewart Running Out of Ways to Piss Off Her Parents

Chain smoke cigarettes. Flip off cameras. Take on indie roles in French noir cinema. Announcing you’re gay at 25 is a nice touch. But the buzz cut is what really pisses off mom. She told you girls had to be pretty. My baby!

With European lesbian cinema comes tedious interviews with frustrated British journalists. Stewart got a long form doozy in the Guardian. She’s framed as the thinking lesbian’s Greta Garbo. Stewart didn’t say much so this is largely based on intuition. Like an SI writer two decades ago stating ‘Mike Tyson scratched at his jaw, lost in thought’. The Four Seasons fruit salad was amazing. Why not be nice?

Stewart latter day coming out is a mandatory topic. The description is strikingly similar to how many born agains describe their baptisms. Honestly, I did not see the light flashes but I believe you when you say you did. 

Individually we are all part of that change and so I can take some credit for it, I guess – there’s no reason why I should shy away from that. But all the prejudice; it’s going for sure.

Certainly true wherever major film festivals are held. Stewart explains the how liberating it is for the human race to no longer be tied down to a checkbox sexual preference. Down low husbands meeting secretly in the woods have yet to issue an official “phew!”. Someday the science will catch up to the social. Right after the Third World creates five billion more kids through outdated checkbox sex.

_{Photo Credit: Splash News}