Tom Brady’s Jersey Thief Identified (VIDEO)

The FBI has an official suspect in the thievery of Tom Brady’s Super Bowl jersey. They’re also hot on the case of a mattress dealer in Van Nuys who has been removing the warning labels. Mauricio Ortega is a credentialed Mexican media member, and video shows him walking out of the locker room with something concealed under his arm and it does not appear to be a chalupa. These are the rapists and murderers Trump was talking about. Only so much worse.

The FBI took great pains to find the stolen jersey because its value has been estimated at half a million dollars by someone who either has zero concept of depreciation or happens to have strong ties to the memorabilia insurance cottage industry. If it’s half a million now it will be worth ten grand come next Super Bowl, get Nicolas Cage’s broker on the phone stat. 

Ortega was employed by Diario La Prensa, a Spanish language daily based in NYC. They’re going to fire him. Fuck it, that jersey’s a decent severance package. The smell alone makes you ten feet taller.

To say the least, this video is inconclusive. If you’re Ortega you’ve got to stick to a hard denial on this one. Also, no hablo Ingles this shit up to the Supreme Court. While it is somewhat comical to think of a guy trekking across the country trying to conceal a sweat stained jersey like he’s in No Country For Old Men, the FBI’s obviously wasted resources clearly means some jail time.

_{Photo Credit: Diario La Prensa}