Aaron Hernandez Flamed Out Fast

Not many guys will off themselves after a big double murder acquittal. That’s so Aaron Hernandez to do the unexpected. Watching the Patriots celebrate at the White House is a lot for many of us to handle.

Hernandez was found dead in his cell from hanging this morning. The bed sheet. Convicts have been tying bedsheets together to escape or choke themselves to death since the dawn of prison time. It’s time for tear away prison bedding as the NFL did with jerseys to protect their players. Though not specifically Aaron Hernandez.

Numerous conspiracy theories are already arising that Hernandez was killed either by fellow inmates, if not guards, at the Massachusetts facility where he was found swinging. To which most people immediately thought, yeah, maybe, problem solved. Fifty years of tax payer funded room and board saved. We all have to do our part to reduce the national debt.

As of yet, the only NFL player to express condolences has been Mike Pouncey, who not only played with Hernandez at Florida, but seems to be whatever comes after BFF on the connection chart:

To my friend my brother! Through thick and thin right or wrong we never left each other’s side. Today my heart hurts as I got the worse news I could have imagined. It was just a day ago we shared our last convo. I will forever miss you and love you bro. we will meet again rest easy!

That clearly wasn’t run through public relations. Even marriage vows are considered null and void once your tatted up gang member spouse starts assassinating people. The rest of the football world is remaining silent, though secretly Brady is thinking he wished Gronkowski had half of Hernandez’ work ethic.

Hernandez was a violent dude who died a violent death. Similar to how soft people die by way of Netflix binge watching. If everybody was being honest, they’d admit they knew what a shitty apple Hernandez was from early on, but how his athletic skills made that all secondary. Now a bunch of people are dead. Suspend yourself, Goodell. Two games.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}