Ask Tyler: How Do I Keep My Man

Tyler: As a married woman I would classify myself as unusually realistic and open minded. I read the stuff you say and agree with half of it. I’ve been married 4 years but plan to stay married forever. How does a woman keep their husband happy and not bored long term?

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Here’s the answer you don’t want to hear from the guy you don’t want to hear it from but you’ll listen if you really want what you say you want. Let him fuck other women. Not without rules. Here’s some guidelines. 

He has to pay for them. It’s business.

He can only text them to set up fuck meetings, no smiley face emojis or dick pics. That’ll haunt you.

He must constantly prophylactic his dong.

He can’t say shit about it to people you both know or smile about it in front of you.

This is a swap for fantasy sports or video games. He has to give those up and spend time with you or the kids or fixing electrical around the house if you’re letting him finish on other women’s faces. Men are strong at math. He will accept this deal.

Your job is to do the following:

Don’t be psycho and check his phone. 

Don’t ask questions. He’s only going to lie and lying breeds destruction. Not fucking other people ironically.

Here’s the hard part for you. Don’t be jealous. He loves you. He thinks of the other chicks as a hobby. Because he’s plowing her between her tits and telling her how pretty she is, you’ll be tempted to think otherwise. Fight it. He doesn’t love her. She’s the whore, you’re Madonna. He’ll fuck you better too. Wait and see.

P.S. When you do check his phone like you will and you see him sending her romantic poems or any mention of her “tawny hair”, divorce him immediately and take all his shit. He’s a failed man who never deserved your understanding.