Baldwin and Brunetti Ramp Up King of Loserville Fight

Among the adult advice cliches to take away from your childhood is the notion of picking your battles. The guys who listened get into fewer bar fights and learn to ignore their wives mundane criticisms for the sake of a more peaceful marriage. The guys with an inability to let shit go end up being two grown men on Twitter calling each other names over a forgotten footnote to a forgotten movie flop of 2006.

Alec Baldwin inexplicably saved space in his memoir to lie about not knowing that Nikki Reed was underaged when she filmed sex scenes with Baldwin in the financially doomed, Mini’s First Time. It’s an arcane and idiotic point as there was obviously no nudity or sexual touching of any kind during filming. Everything had been cleared through the proper channels that ensure only casting directors and acting coaches get to touch child actors inappropriately. Statutory rape on set itself is largely frowned upon.

We know Baldwin’s lying because every single other person who’s come forward from that production made it clear that everybody knew the age situation. Baldwin could claim he was too shit-faced during production to pay attention, but he hasn’t yet. It might be his best move. He would immediately be believed.

Film producer and noted angry small guy Dana Brunetti seems to have a ton of free time. He’s taken to the entertainment news outlets to call Baldwin a liar. This led to a joust of middle school twat proportions with Baldwin on Twitter. It’s too stupid to repost in its entirety:

Brunetti: But really, are you going to continue to deny that you didn’t know she was 16?? I’ll bury you.

Baldwin: I was told she was 16 by her hairdresser. At the end of the shoot. You’re already buried.

It devolves from there into further name calling and a dick measuring contest that neither could possibly win. This is two men battling over whether or not a girl was underaged at the time one of them pantomimed fucking her in a film that nobody saw and lost a ton of money. You’d think everybody would’ve taken a blood oath to never mention any of this again. But they simply can’t help themselves.

The insecure egos push two trolls toward one another in a futile battle for who can look a tiny bit less like a giant asshole. It’s an Animal Planet episode you can’t turn away from. Why the fuck is the dung beetle battling the shit fly? Don’t they both know who they are?