Brits Dropping the Easter from Easter

New Prime Minister and perfectly British looking middle aged woman Theresa May is offended that the big National Trust Easter Egg Hunt in London is removing the name Easter from its title this year. They’re rebranding with “The Great British Egg Hunt”. Sounds like the least successful GoFundMe title page ever.

The National Trust is a stodgy old conservation charity that’s been around since the 19th century to raise money to preserve old British things. Like Big Ben or the living members of Queen. They hooked in Cadbury chocolates to sponsor the event for the past ten years. You can’t celebrate the resurrection of Christ without that gooey liquid nougat center. Cadbury is apparently at the center of the decision to remove Easter from the event titling:

“We invite people from all faiths and none to enjoy our seasonal treats.”

All faiths and none about covers almost everybody. What about the Questioning? Shall unhappily married men who think they might prefer dick have no right to your candied eggs?

Naturally, this being England, this language modification is about the ever growing Muslim population and the desire not to offend them. Either because you’re genuinely a world citizen, or because you’d rather not die with a machete to the jugular in a shopping mall. They have no guns in England, yet they die all the same. There have been Jews and the occasional Buddhists and Mormons and Taoists in England for centuries. They have seemed content with downing candy with the dreaded Easter moniker without complaint.

Following a pro-Christian backlash, Cadbury and the National Trust were quick to point out that their event marketing and websites were still littered with the Christian holiday association. 

“We want to reassure consumers of our commitment to Easter, which is very prominent within our activity. We will continue to use ‘Easter’ prominently in our commercial campaigns as we do now and in the future.”

It’s unclear what commitment to Easter means, though part of it means removing the word Easter from the title. Also, hijabs are sort of required so nobody feels singled out. They make for wonderful egg collecting baskets if you left yours at home. Though don’t take them off if you see any men around. There’s only so many places to bury an infidel’s body at The Great British Egg Hunt.