Caitlyn Jenner And Mike Pence Have a Thing

Walking body part mosaic Caitlyn Jenner says she plans to meet with Mike Pence in Washington to pretend she is an activist, as she has ordered a lapel pin in the past six days. It appears Pence does not have similar plans, but he might go out of his way because Jenner could be his double no halfsies gay out. Jenner rambled out of her paralyzed face for some time about shit she has crammed hard over while high on pills, and described her first meeting with Mike Pence: 

“I walk up looking fabulous. I turn to his wife, who was standing right there. And I reach out and I grab her hand and I look her right in the eye and I said, ‘I would love to have you in on that conversation.’ And she looks at me and goes, ‘Don’t you worry, I’ll be there.’”

It is a known fact that Mike Pence doesn’t have dinner with other women without his wife present. It’s unclear if Pence went on a bender and fucked a ton of Czech models one time or if he’s a self flagellating weirdo. Probably the latter. 

The thing that doesn’t compute is that Jenner is implying people see her as a regular woman. No distinction. Sure you don’t want your husband going to happy hour with the floozy who drives the Miata, but she’s nothing compared to the temptation of Caitlyn Jenner. Just look at her. 67 years young. The slurred speech, broad shoulders, rock hard implants, and tempting arthritic knuckles. What man could keep it in their pants or even hold a conversation, as their mind drifts to that surgically crafted vaginal phallus. Also, have you seen the expensive clothes she wears? Men go nuts over heels and gowns! You can’t help but fanaticize about role playing. You’re the horny mailman, Caitlyn playing the lonely housewife whose husband is away on military leave. 

Nobody actually thinks of you as a woman. They may think of you as a trans woman, and that’s all well and good, but clearly they’re two slightly different things, hence the T. If a dude wants to bang you, he’s into Olypmians, not cougars. Actually, it’s best the wife come along on this one. That Grover voice is too much to resist, even for a Christian.  

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}