Here’s the gist of every argument about professional wrestling between a diehard fan and a guy who thinks that diehard fan believes it’s real. You know it’s fake, right. It’s not fake. It’s all scripted. So what, they’re amazing athletes doing all kind of crazy ass flying around the ring. But it’s still scripted. Shut up.
At the dramatic conclusion to WrestleMania 33, John Cena proposed to Nikki Bella so that women could have the same exact argument. Was it entirely staged and known to everybody ahead of time? Let’s say the graphics guy running the lower-thirds Free Trial promo ads has very strong intuition. A slew of talk shows were pre-booked to discuss the engagement the very next morning, out of spontaneity and all.
On the Today Show, Cena shared how he and Bella used to exchange “truth serum” questions to one another during the course of the pre-op drugging for their numerous orthopedic surgeries. Super romantic.
When they put her under, I made sure to be the last one to wheel her into the O.R. At the moment of no return, I stopped the doctors and I asked, ‘Can you hear me?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘I have one question for you,'” he recalled. “‘What?’ You know someday I’m going to marry you?”
You can’t lie under anesthesia. Nor can you remember anything after the fact. I would have asked about steroid use and maybe did you fuck The Undertaker that one time.
Bella declared the proposal the perfect place since they met at the office and this was literally in front of all of their coworkers. Also, thirty thousand fifteen year olds who keyed beers in the parking lot and wonder what your sweaty Diva panties might taste like.
The Jumbotron turned wedding proposals into selfie-generation opportunities for attention. The first guy who agreed to take part in a coordinated dance music video proposal for his buddy popping the question to his girlfriend sealed the deal. WWE missed the chance to have Jimmy Hart smack Cena over the head with a chair and steal the ring. Somebody’s getting old.
Photo Credit: WWE Broadcast