A lingerie model turning thirty has two jobs. Launch a bra and panties sub-line with a major retailer and get knocked up by wealthy entertainer ten to thirty years your elder. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley locked down H&M and Jason Statham, respectively. You can’t help but think she didn’t put enough thinking into the latter.
In the realm of older bald dudes with esteem issues and $25 million plus in the bank, the field is fairly wide open. Statham is the safety school. He’s the backup. Right below any of the members of the Blue Man Group. Also Pitbull, Dr. Phil, and Ben Bernanke. You had to like Jason Statham better when he was called Bruce Willis. Also bald.
When you’re sixteen and photographers of ambiguous national origin are starting to pay you to unbutton your top, there’s no thought of what happens when this wonderful run is over. It comes up quick. The NFL has teams dedicated to working with players to ensure when they’re brief careers are over by thirty, they die quietly somewhere. In lingerie modeling, your wise counsel consists of semi-literate peers from Moldova and the on-set drug connect. Your breasts are growing with child. There’s still time to trade up.
Photo Credit: AKM/GSI Media