Female journalists worship Serena Williams, lest she demolish their Skull Island chic walk up lofts. This Serena Williams “sexy as hell” and “greatest athlete ever” nonsense requires the very best of the tireless feminist cabal. Tireless not counting the seventeen days of vacation and an equal number of mental health days plus three hours per day lapping between coffee station and restroom.
Williams announced she’s five months pregnant. At some point guys who masturbate to super masculine women were going to notice that her eight pack was rippling more than usual. The pregnancy would explain Williams’ quick engagement to Reddit co-founder, Alexis Ohanian. Also that picture they took where Ohanian hoists Williams in his arms. I’ve seen that trick at a carnival. There’s a concealed fork lift. It’s holding that smile during herniation that’s the real challenge.
Breathless female bloggers took to paid Yahoo search result articles with various ways in which Serena Williams being pregnant made her even more awesome.
That means Williams was pregnant when she won the Australian Open in January, further adding to her rep as one of the greatest athletes of all time.
LeBron never won a trophy while gestating. Also, he’s never had sex with a man half his body weight. At least there’s no physical proof. Odds are running short that Williams is soon to be labeled a “hot mom”, a “perfect working mom” and “the greatest athlete mom of any gender ever”.
She’s your one black friend. We get it. You need a Scared Straight session with the heartbroken former fans of Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire. This shit doesn’t end well.
Photo credit: Serena Williams/Instagram