Cavs Brief Glimmer of Hope

Cavs fans after finding out Tristan Thompson dumped Khloe Kardashian pic.twitter.com/0l06zNw2ZW

— Jordan Miller (@J_miller2014) May 1, 2017

For about four hours on Monday, Cleveland Cavaliers fans rejoiced with word that Tristan Thompson had given Khloe Kardashian the old heave-ho, thereby freeing their team from a succubus jinx and opening the door to a back to back championship.

Depending on your Google news results, Thompson broke it off because he wants to get back with his baby mama, Thompson wants to be totally focused on basketball, or Thompson fears commitment that Khloe Kardashian is pushing for. None of which come close to approximating the future legitimate reason of, cops recovered my sister from a basement in Jalisco and I no longer need to fuck this shorn Kraken. Fake news.

The heads of Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, still somehow MySpace, who all dotted line report to Kris Jenner, immediately halted all transactions on social media until such time as Khloe Kardashian could post a real-time photo of Tristan Thompson after the Raptors game with a ‘Hi handsome’ caption. Nineteen guys in Cleveland committed suicide. Or seven less than most evenings. Not everybody is ambitious enough to leave Ohio by bus. 

It remains to be seen if the Kardashian curse is in effect. Or how the gods work it out when she’s previously fucked most every single significant participant in the finals. It is clear that sticking your dick into a rotating prop engine will ultimately hurt you less than doing similar inside a Kardashian. Ask Bruce Jenner. He’s the only man to have experienced both.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}