Kaley Cuoco Sweaty Horse Woman

God accidentally gifted Mark Wahlberg a brilliant Hollywood career, then had to grant similar blessings randomly to a few more not particularly skilled actors or unusually attractive people to cover his tracks. 

The best thing about Kaley Cuoco is when she admitted getting a tit job at eighteen was the best career move she ever made. Honesty points are huge in a business filled with reflexive pandering. The second best thing she did was marry a handsome loser tennis player, fuck him for a year, then throw him out with the trash so he couldn’t touch her monster TV residual money. If only Johnny Depp were half as manly as Kaley Cuoco he wouldn’t be counting on food stamps for his twenty grand Cab purchases.

Cuoco dolls up nice enough, but she’s not in the same off-camera league as her predecessor blond TV bombshells. More Shelley Long than Farrah Fawcett. She’s also the highest paid person per episode in television. She’s shown no penchant or skill for moving beyond her two dimensional character in Big Bang. Maybe that speaks to making more than twenty million a season, having a new recessive gene billionaire boyfriend, and not giving a fuck if people see her smelling her armpits after the gym. That’s a compliment. I’m not good at them.

_{Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News}