Doing well is the best revenge. Trite, but true. In terms of broken relationships, that means fucking somebody younger, hotter, and more socially relevant than whoever broke your heart.
Kate Beckinsale and Len Weisman both fucked over who they were with when they met on the first shitty Vampire and Werewolf movie. Then they married. Now they’re divorced. Weisman found himself a chick who looks a ton like his ex-wife only fifteen years younger. That’s an obvious stab. Beckinsale took her time by finding a literal boy with muscles less than half her age to fuck. That’s close to statutory rape, but a knockout blow.
Beckinsale has been seen of late making out with a kid named Matt Rife who lists himself as an actor and comedian because he was on Nick Cannon’s MTV show and Nick Cannon has the gall to also list himself an actor and comedian. Both figured out how to fuck older important women in the business, so good for them both.
Rife looks a lot like the kid who was obviously juicing in high school and alternated between giddy laughter and menacing glares threatening to kill all his teachers with a number two pencil. Maybe that’s Beckinsale’s type. Or maybe it’s the 21 that stands out. According to anonymous sources fresh out of feeding CNN Russian collusion tips:
“Everyone in Kate’s circle loves Matt and are so supportive of this relationship. He really is the sweetest guy and makes her so happy! Her entire family thinks he is the nicest and most lovely person.”
Of course, none of this is true. Nobody thinks their 43-year old friend or family member should be open mouth tonguing a college aged kid outside restaurants for attention. It can be overlooked at drunken middle aged girls night out events. Not so much when you start bringing him to Pictionary game night and pretend it’s a nothing burger.
Women are still figuring out the power move fucking business. The mere fact that they make up cute euphemisms like Cougar and Cub for what men have been doing unapologetically for eons means they’re not quite ready. If you want to fuck the Cobra Kai kid, go for it. Trust that your ex-husband will hear about it without having to let him touch your tits nightly in front of the local Chipotle.
Photo credit: Splash News / ET Online