$100 for Mayweather-McGregor, Find Your Idiot Friend Now

The very first Man Rule in my book of said such is, Don’t Be the Biggest Pussy in the Room. Masculinity isn’t about being the most alpha of males in the clan. It’s about not being the most beta. Nobody likes the top dog who unendingly discusses his sexual conquests and picks a fight with a stranger every time you go out to Applebee’s. In precise inverse proportion to how much they despise the dude asking everybody to be quiet while he checks in with his girl thrice an hour. I’m so not fucking other women tonight, honey. Trust me, Steven, if you’re the checking in guy, she already knows that.

The same sensibility could be applied to the dude who volunteers to pick up the Mayweather-McGregor PPV, listing at $99.95 for HD, or $89.95 if you want to see it in 2004 era resolution. It’s likely going to be the same dolt who paid the very same hundred for Mayweather-Pacquiao. He still talks about it like it’s the day you all survived Russian Roulette as captives in Nam. His lady is still bitching about the ranch dressing stains. She gave him HPV but he refuses to counter.

Modern men have copious amounts of survival basics. Nobody’s going to judge you on how you ration your water or husband your arrow tips. It’s your amusement spending that will earn you the most criticism from the tribe. Men spend an inordinate amount of time questioning each other on non-necessity purchases in any amount greater than twenty bucks. It’s not always spoken aloud, it is internalized. He spent eighteen hundred on an above ground hot tub? I bet I could fuck his woman in that, stupid putz. 

Mayweather-McGregor won’t objectively settle a single thing about inter-fighting sports battles. It will define which guy in your social circle you can fuck after the apocalypse when the women folk are absent because the perfect pre-bunker selfie left them radiated outside the main hatch. Have him remind you what he paid for the fight while you do your business. It’ll make it seem less gay.