Amy Schumer Stuns In Bikini

Amy Schumer took to Instagram to shed a light on unrealistic body expectations with a hilarious picture for National Bikini Day. Is what the media is saying. I say what is Rob Ford doing in a bikini. The speaker for all women takes over the duties of Medusa with her face while catching some rays on a lounge chair. Take one look and turn to stone. Or cut off your dick. Astute observers will also realize that Schumer has her legs spread eagle in order to air out her pita pocket. Isn’t she just the zaniest? The caption reads:

National bikini day! #wherewasmyparisfashionweekinvite

Judging by this picture, you probably ate it. Schumer claims to be a size six. Unaware of her assistants cleverly turning the “1” in front of the “6” on her clothing tags into “You’re #1!” “I know I am you cunts.” Schumer wants to challenge beauty standards through her comedy and social media presence. But her insistence on not being plus size is an admission of adhering to the standards which she wishes to eradicate. And an admission of delusion. You wear grill covers.  

Female comedians need to look somewhat fuckable in order to get people to show up. Schumer brings down the average. But she still pours herself into ill-fitting outfits and goes for a dewy glow by smearing on makeup with her hoofs. This picture marks a different direction. Her hunger for media attention has surpassed her hunger to be considered fuckable. And her hunger for deep fried human balls.

This impersonation of a sow ready to do missionary is being met with praise. One might go as far as to say Schumer is clapping back at the h8ers. But maybe she should listen to her h8ers. Especially if one of them is a cardiologist.

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}