Coke Tries To Pull “New Coke” a Second Time

You only get one chance to run a successful marketing ploy. Coke managed to boost its sales exponentially back in ’85 by introducing New Coke and then giving in to “popular demand” a few months later to sell suckers Coke Classic. Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again. Now they’re hoping that 80’s kids will give in like they did to the all female Ghostbusters, and swallow another remake. Coke Zero, name inspired by the amount of pounds lost while drinking the fizzy tar, is soon peddling a New Improved Taste. Coke hates original ideas just as much as Hollywood.

Ladies get ready for a change of panties after you hear the name. You ready? The replacement for Coke Zero will be called Coke Zero Sugar. Will you look at the marketing behind that? Someone get the genius who came up with the moniker for this imminent carbonated catastrophe an award. I have a dream that I will one day live in a nation where people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character and choice of soft beverage. If you’re a low-calorie soda pop enthusiast, you’re part of the problem. Soda drinking choice segregation wishes aside, Coke has decided to cut their product.

On Wednesday, Coca-Cola announced plans to stop selling Coke Zero in the US in August, replacing it with a beverage with a different recipe, design, and name: Coke Zero Sugar.

This is obviously catering to consumers with high body fat to low self-esteem ratio. Along with the new soda formula, it seems like they figured out a formula to pat patrons on the back for not really participating in personal weight maintenance. Just call it Coke Guilt Free. Soda is a choice. I know it’s full of sugar, carbs, and the ability to remove rust from metal. But it just tastes so good. Isn’t that Coke’s slogan, happiness inside and all you need to do is open it up. I can apply that same thought to several women I know personally. They’ll all be drinking Coke Zero Classic when it hits the market again in three months.