Convicted Felon Cashes In

Once a woman receives over 200 likes on Instagram she’s a goner, fully immersed in a self-inflated stratosphere of high hopes an average relationship will never reach. Now it works both ways. Instagram has finally closed the relationship equality gap. Photographs have surfaced of convicted felon Jeremy Meeks playing tonsil hockey with heiress Chloe Green on her yacht. Mrs. Meeks was not pleased to say the least. She’s filed for divorce. She should have known when her husband was upgraded from pedestrian with a verified official checkmark next to his IG account. Ladies who pray for tax return blessings after living check to check for 51 weeks out of the year, all while repeating phrases like love don’t cost a thing, Mr. Meeks is not checking for you. 

But what about true love? What could possibly break up a happy home? A butterface worth a billion dollars is what. It’s not clear whether Meeks truly found love elsewhere with new Topshop British billionaire Chloe Green or just jumped at the idea that his current wife couldn’t supply a billion dollars worth of top ramen from commissary if he had ever found his way back into incarceration. Either way, Meeks is living the good life. Child support and alimony ain’t a thang now that the big boy checks are rolling in.