Country Club Ceases Discrimination Against American Patriot

Tom Brady is all about equal opportunity oppression. It isn’t just for minorities anymore. Wait. Can you culturally appropriate oppression? Flag on the play, Tom. When you’re one of America’s favorite couple, waiting lists for you are exclusive country clubs, not subsidized housing. But that doesn’t mean the waiting list system won’t discriminate against you like if your skin had a little more melanin. Tom Brady and Giselle Bündchen had to wait two years to get into their local country club. Talk about egregious first world problems. This takes the cake. 

Brady and Bundchen own a multimillion-dollar mansion next door. But their application languished for two years while other members debated whether they might be a little too high-profile for the privacy-minded club founded in 1882 on Chestnut Hill.

But Tom is a winner. And to make someone who won five Super Bowls wait years to get in really makes you question how high is this country club’s standards and what goes on inside. Caviar bumps off super model rumps and a strict no cell phone policy is what comes to mind. I guess white privilege isn’t accepted everywhere like visa. Maybe it’s because Tom’s personal brand logo is pretty bland. Or they mistook him for less financially fluid comedian Daniel Tosh. I hope Tom finds solace in his swing at the course on the club. No more singing Sam Cooke’s A Change Is Gonna Come, it’s finally here buddy.