Facebook Has Heard Your Cries; Enter the Big Baller Reality Show

Facebook is investing all kinds of money in not being left behind in the original content business. Currently, Facebook lives off a model of curating the content of news and media outlets and a billion people’s Throwback Thursday photos from high school. They see Netflix and Amazon and Hulu taking over streaming content ownership and they want in. They obviously have the built in audience.

Facebook brought together the best and the brightest in an entertainment Manhattan Project to produce and unveil their initial offering: a LaVar Ball and basketball playing sons reality show. Cue the magic.

LaVar Ball has been the butt of athlete slash stage dad jokes for the past year. He either is, or played, the ass promoting the first of his three sons into the NBA along with very expensive home-branded shoes. From the outside, he seemed a bald tool with a layman’s WWE villain understanding of publicity.

From the inside, everybody in the entertainment business knows numerous networks and most of social media now runs on Lowest Common Denominator programming. 75% of eyeballs now want some form of Jackass, and they want it in ceaseless droves. 

Some new exec at Facebook explained the theory in great detail:

“Our goal is to make Facebook a place where people can come together around video.”

He forgot the part about, not including murder and torture porn live streams, currently account for most of our numbers. Also where they’re going to force you to watch the outspoken though moderately-literate Ball family if you want to continue to play Scrabble with your cousin in Indiana.

Facebook is a behemoth. But they also abhor tits. Female breasts trigger the owner’s epileptic seizures. They’re also the key to the success of numerous streaming service content. All those premium bad boys run ten times the tits of even pay cable. Lots of cock too. And trannies. It’s a thing now. Ask your friends at the Coffee Bean.

Whether Facebook can compete with VH-1 light programming remains to be seen. Expect them to announce 90 million viewers regardless. You can’t argue with Facebook because rather than go off the grid, you let it hump you dry and begged it to be your daddy. You handed Facebook every single piece of personal information you hold dear. Enjoy Big Baller.

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