Kentucky Fried Cellphone Releasing Soon

There are things in life that should never happen. Adults shouldn’t punch babies. Men shouldn’t be obligated to pay child support for children that are not theirs. And KFC shouldn’t be allowed to battle for a share of the cell phone market. Businesses need to grow in order to survive, and this means trying new things. Experimenting with a new recipe for triple meat wrapped in severe chest pains is the better option. If their rendition of a cell phone is anything close to the quality of chicken served at the chain, then this is a lose lose situation. 

To no one’s surprise, China is behind the release of this ridiculous phone. Even with a whiff of fraudulence in the air, this is an official product backed by KFC. Not an NYC Canal Street exclusive. You have to be from China, or overly devoted to showcasing your personal gluttony to score a handset. Anticipating a sellout, they made this phone limited to 5,000 units. It’s already hard enough to respect individuals jacking off over the latest iPhones and now KFC wants a slice of the clownery. It’s a scary new world. Fast food brand loyalty is leaking into other aspects of life outside their respective establishments. We as a world need to have an honest talk before everyone goes ham planet. You never go full ham planet.