Robert Pattinson Pilfering Porn Dealer

Say what you want about Robert Pattinson, but I’ve got to hand it to him. When his lesbian girlfriend cheated on him in broad daylight, he at least had the cojones to dump her ass. Too bad he didn’t stick around for the future girl-on-girl action. Now he’s adding more to his backstory, a childhood of snatching snatch magazines for resale. He could have stolen anything on this planet, but he chose porn. Why? Because what’s something teenage boys would fork over a week worth of lunch money for? Investing zero capital with 100 percent return on investment every sale? Robert could have easily been the Warren Buffet of barely legal. If acting doesn’t work out for him after in the long run, he can always fall back on his young venture capitalist tendencies. 

“I’ve never actually said this before. I was stealing porno magazines and selling them at school. No one knew at all what to do with them, though, I’d sell them for a lot of money,” Robert admitted. “I used to go in and take, like, one or two, and then put them in my bag. I was in my school uniform when I was doing it, and it was kind of risky. At the end, I got so cocky that I would take the entire rack.”

It sucks that all things must come to an end. Pattinson has eventually expelled for his erotica absconding ways. It’s inspiring to know every American underaged teenager’s heartthrob was running a snatch and grab porn crime syndicate. No need to risk selling drugs and ruining your future. You can’t get a possession charge for porn. Smart man. Wonder how long this would have gone on if he was never caught. I guess you can never judge a book by its cover. Unless it’s Twilight.
 
Photo Credit: Splash News