Shia LaBeouf Racist Addict, Proclaims “New Low” In Apology

Shia LaBeouf is the star of his own three-ring circus, and today we’re privileged to his humble redemption act. More compelling than his high art act but less amusing than his drunken asshole crowd-pleaser. The real showstopper? Drunken racist asshole. Last weekend, LaBeouf had a run-in with the cops at 4:00 am in Savannah. Once brought to the station, LaBeouf unleashed future redenption fodder in the form of racist comments towards the officers. Cue the Twitter apology. The closest to sincerity Millennials know:

I am deeply ashamed of my behavior and make no excuse for it. I don’t know if these statements are too frequent, or not shared often enough, but I am certain that my actions warrant a very sincere apology to the arresting officers, and I am grateful for their restraint. The severity of my behavior is not lost on me.

My outright disrespect for authority is problematic to say the least, and completely destructive to say the worst. It is a new low. A low I hope is a bottom. I have been struggling with addiction publicly for far too long, and I am actively taking steps toward securing my sobriety and hope I can be forgiven for my mistakes.     

Acknowledging that you’re a piece of garbage is the first step. What he doesn’t recap is his drunken accusations towards a white guard that his wife was unsatisfied sexually and craved “black dick.” What we call “projecting.” While getting fingerprinted, LaBeouf also turned his attention to a black cop by telling him “You’re going to hell, straight to hell, bro.” Unfortunately for us spectators he didn’t finish the sentiment with “Brutha.” LaBeouf also stated that “a black man arrested me for being white.”

The world was already against LaBeouf, but now black people too? Guess it isn’t easy for anybody. The various adages about there being truth in alcohol don’t bubble to the surface often enough when it comes to celebrity apologies. LaBeouf is an outlier for fessing up to his mistakes in such a straightforward manner. But that doesn’t mean he’s a changed man.

In Mel Gibson’s ideal world – if he’s being completely honest – kids would receive huge Easy Bake Ovens for Christmas that they could use to incinerate Jews. Then press the ashes into Jesus-shaped Christmas tree ornaments. In her ideal world – as an American citizen and redneck survivalist – Reese Witherspoon would legalize drunk driving. LaBeouf feels marginalized by big-dicked black men out to get our women. The world might make him become sober. But no one will be able to strip him of his views.  

^{_{Photo Credit: TMZ}}