Zayn And Gigi Gender Fuckers For Vogue

Celebrity sh”it” couple Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid break zero ground in their new self-assessed groundbreaking spread for Vogue titled “Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik Are Part of a New Generation Embracing Gender Fluidity.” These pioneers for gender fluidity are like explorers landing on the shores of modern-day America and christening it as the New World before ordering their meal in the uncharted territory on GrubHub. In the accompanying interview, the straight celebrity couple consisting of a man and a woman share their wise insight on gender complexity. Vogue even kicks off the article with a quote from Virginia Woolf. She’s coming up for air from a vag in the clouds to wish sweet death upon the duo. And to see what Hadid’s doing later. 

Both Malik and Hadid sport gender-bendy fashion in the photo shoot. AKA she wears suits and he wears funky patterns. The world wasn’t ready, but they went ahead and did it anyway. Annie Hall Halloween costume fresh out of the bag from Party City. If this is a look, then the crackhead that touches himself outside of my building deserves to grace the next cover. At least he’s been through enough shit to have something interesting to say. Here’s Malik on being iconic and enlightened:

People our age, we’re just chill. You can be whoever you want…as long as you’re being yourself.

With social media, the world’s gotten very small and it can seem like everyone’s doing the same thing. Gender, whatever—you want to make your own statement. You know? You want to feel distinct.     

“Want to feel distinct.” Was anything ever more succinct. Being attractive, rich, and straight is a coolness death sentence Millennials wouldn’t wish upon their worst enemies. Malik and Hadid additionally suffer from being idiots. Repackaging Buzzfeed listicle headlines glanced at on the phone while taking a dump is the keystone of a progressive celebrity interview. Whether opinions are procured through life experiences or trending sound bites is inconsequential. Simply muttering anything even tangental to word of the day, gender, gives celebrities an edge. Hadid also makes the mistake of opening her mouth:

If Zayn’s wearing a tight shirt and tight jeans and a big, drapey coat…I mean—I’d wear that, too. It’s just about, Do the clothes feel right on you?  

We’ll be more moved when you’re sporting the latest body bag. The ultimate gender-neutral statement piece. 

_{Photo Credit: Vogue}