Now it all makes sense. She's been blind drunk this whole time. Chrissy Teigen is more relatable than ever, to alcoholics, in a new interview with Cosmopolitan where she opens up about her struggles with boozing. Cellulite, stretch marks, and now alcoholism? The Real Housewives are shaking.
Teigen would find a way to contract feline herpes if she thought it would garner sympathy, so I'm taking this alcohol confessional with more than a grain of salt. Like Teigen does with her big gulp mangoritas. The thirty-one-year-old's career has hinged on the clapping back of h8ers on Twitter, but even the fail-proof 2017 formula for Buzzfeed listicle fame wears thin at some point. Alcoholism gives Teigen that grit that just can't be achieved by on purpose accidental tit flashes anymore. On hopping on the booze train:
I was, point blank, just drinking too much. I got used to being in hair and makeup and having a glass of wine. Then that glass of wine would carry over into me having one before the awards show. And then a bunch at the awards show. And then I felt bad for making kind of an ass of myself to people that I really respected. And that feeling, there's just nothing like that. You feel horrible. It's not a good look for me, for John, for anybody.
On the burden of not wanting for anything:
Imagine everything we have. Everything is there, always. I don't know how to go to an awards show and not drink.
On how the people around her were hoping she would get alcohol poisoning:
Nobody really brought it up to me. They just assumed that it was OK because I always felt OK the next morning. I knew in my heart it wasn't right. It makes you very short with people. People think it's cutesy and fun to go on these boozy brunches, but there's more to it. I've never once been like, 'I'm sure glad I had that boozy brunch!'
But everything changed on a recent trip to Bali, where Teigen had an Eat, Pray, Love, Cellulite moment of self-reflection and clarity about her life choices. She cut out the boozing, and, in addition to noticing that she felt better, says that her "skin felt amazing." I think they talk about that in AA. The importance of glowing skin. Teigen shilled for Captain Morgan and Smirnoff during her modeling career. Inspiring fellow alcoholics has never looked so quirky and candid.
Photo Credit: Instagram