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Jennifer Lopez Showgirl For Paper Magazine

In addition to including A-list retirement home pageant queen Mariah Carey in their "We've Still got it, We Swear" issue, Paper Magazine slaps Jennifer Lopez on the cover with an interview revealing that she might be a little dumb. Both women were chosen for the actually-titled Las Vegas issue for their current Sin City residencies. Las Vegas stages represent the veritable who's who of washed up 90's divas who need to avoid touring due to the silent killer known as osteoporosis. 

Unlike Carey, who appears to have gotten swept away with the culinary options in Las Vegas, Jennifer Lopez has maintained a bangable body even at the age of forty-eight. Paper rewards her with the issue's cover, where she looks like a Disney villain with ample pizzazz. But God is a cruel bitch, withholding brains for beauty. The interview feels as though it could have been conducted with a juiced up Teddy Ruxpin. On Las Vegas being the "sexiest city in the world."

I think people come here to let loose and have a good time, and there's a sexiness to that. You know, it's that inhibition letting go and just having a good time.

I never thought about it like that. On not getting wild:

I feel like people have wild adventures and drink, and, like, do other things, and I don't do that stuff. You know what I mean? I'm here to dance and the wildest thing I've done is, oooh, I danced 'til 4.You know, that was it.

On the name of her show "All I Have:"

The name of the show is "All I Have," so I can't be like, "Tonight you're getting half," you know. You can't do that.

Lopez also discusses dedicating shitty songs to her kids on stage, her dresses, and her multifaceted acting approach that allows her to be as terrible as she is. The whole thing really makes you stop and think. "Be thankful you've still got that ass."

 

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Photo Credit: Paper Magazine

Tagged in: jennifer lopez

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