The Hollywood Reporter must have had some extra black dicks lying around, and some cheesecake for Khloé, because they were able to lure almost the entire Kardashian/Jenner klan (Caitlyn was off making America great again) to one place for a new photoshoot and interview. I’m hoping they protected the seats with plastic. On the cover, Kylie Jenner, Kris Jenner, Kendall Jenner, Kourtney Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, and Khloé Kardashian look like a rag tag team of factory reject mannequins making Ambien love to the cameras with their dead eyes. I’m wet.
The common theme of the interview is that these girls have been marginalized to within an inch of their lives. The burden of being famous and ungodly rich is a heavy one. At first, I thought THR was throwing shade at the brothel and their madam with their title “The Kardashian Decade: How a Sex Tape Led to a Billion-Dollar Brand,” but then I realized it’s the highest compliment you can pay them. Pimpin’ ain’t easy.
On Kendall’s silent Pepsi suffering, via Kim:
We’re not perfect, but you see these things in the media, like Kendall and [her Pepsi ad that was accused of trivializing Black Lives Matter], where I see her at home crying, but in the media she looks another way because she’s not addressing it. I’m just like, “This is wrong. You need to speak up.” She was like, “I don’t ever want to show that footage of me crying.” She was trying to not make excuses or be dramatic, but that was what she was going through at the time.
Kourtney on first experiences with Keeping Up With The Kardashians:
I remember in season one being like, “I have to go the bathroom,” and I’d cry in there as quietly as I could because I was still mic’d. I never want to cry in front of cameras.
Khloé on her shitty spinoff:
I never wanted to do Khloe & Lamar [which ran for two seasons in 2011 and 2012]; my ex-husband did. He sold it to E!, and I let it happen because I wanted him to be happy. I was the one who canceled it. It was way too much.
Kris on Caitly’s accusation that Kris was the mastermind behind KUWTK:
It’s so absurd. I’m not sure what the motivation was for her to say something like that. Maybe somebody should remind her that it’s called Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
Kim on being taken down for fake marrying Kris Humphries:
The night before, my mom pulled me aside, off camera, and was like, “This isn’t it for you. Why don’t you go away and I’ll handle it?” I felt like, if I pulled out now, everyone’s going to think I just did it for the show. Then afterwards, people were saying, ‘You have to stay married for a year,’ but I physically couldn’t do it. When I made the decision [to divorce], everyone said it was made up for the show. Everyone really wanted to take me down.
Those of you still needing convincing that life has been unfair to the Jenndashians can just look at their faces on the cover for proof. Poor things. Half the world still thinks this is a promotion for Planet of the Apes. With Khloé being Maurice, obviously.
Photo Credit: The Hollywood Reporter