When the editors behind People Magazine aren’t detailing a Z-list celebrity’s dramatic weight loss and skin removal or exploring the daily life of the twelve-hundred-pound star of some unholy TLC reality series, they’re usually dredging up banal confessions from celebrities willing to pony up the entrance fee. In walks Angelina Jolie. The A-list adulterer beat out the likes of Heidi Montag and Farrah Abraham for a cover on the magazine that makes Delta Sky Magazine read like The Economist. The embarassing typo on her cover quote “I’m a Little Bit Stronger” should have read “I’m a Little Bit Desperate.”
Jolie is over being the neglectful owner of a grab bag of diverse children used to signal her Princess Diana phase. How else were we going to forget that she carried around Billy Bob Thornton’s blood in a vial? Now she’s a dedicated mother who proudly proclaims to make decisions with her children in mind. Revalatory by celebrity standards, ethical and legal for us commoners:
Everything will be around the children. I haven’t worked for over a year now because they needed me home. Everything was just stopped. I’m really sitting and talking with them because everything affects them. Every location, every type of project, I’m going to have to adjust it to however much they can handle.
I don’t want to overuse the word martyr, but, martyr. Jolie continues with common sense statements about children and vague details of the years following her divorce from adulterer Brad Pitt:
I have had my ups and downs. I guess I am a little bit stronger. We all have our difficult times, but as a mother you also have a responsibility first and foremost towards the kids. They are going through their formative years and everything else comes second to that.
No word yet on how she flexed these maternal instincts while emotionally abusing children during the casting of her recenty shitty vanity project.
Photo Credit: People