Christian Bale Fully Committed To Being Fat Dick

It’s a special privilege to play the man who had zero prior business experience and managed to make millions from The Halliburton Company before taking office as the infamous Vice President Dick Cheney. Scary how connections can trump any come up college and hard work would provide. Also the assassination attempt of a 78-year-old Texas attorney and covering it up as a hunting incident constitutes enough action for a film featuring a fat Christian Bale. If they don’t name this movie “American Psycho 2: Legacy of Dick” with a horror movie surprise twist I’m going to be upset. Someone call Tarantino to give the film a sprinkle of Grindhouse edginess and the world may have another blockbuster. 

Bale’s famously gone through extreme weight changes — for instance, “The Machinist” and his ‘Batman’ roles. But if ya find yourself missing Christian at his fighting weight … blame Dick. Cheney.

I don’t want to see another biopic on a boring politician played by a bigger Bale. Was the supply of overweight American actors at a shortage? I don’t ever want to hear the argument about “thin privilege” again after an actor had to gain weight in order to get a job. You can see the stress on his arteries in his smile. I wonder how much a movie about a Vice President could actually bring in at the box office. The world seems to be stuck on remakes of movies that most people are too lazy to watch the original of on Netflix. I wish Christian the best of luck with his new dad bod.