Harry Knowles Sinking Ship

Harry Knowles is perhaps the most famous and most enduring Internet film critic and cinema nerd in the world. Back in the mid 90’s he was already all over the burgeoning world wide web making a name for himself as the super cool film guy from Austin. When people got a hold of his corpulent hobbit persona and creepy crazy red hair and beard, he quickly became the voice of the digital generation on film. He founded Aint It Cool News at that time, becoming the biggest name in online film news. Siskel and Ebert would “go to him” on their show for the 20-something super cool voice.

That’s all by way of background, because his entire world is fucked but good now. The IndieWire online entertainment magazine reported this past week of sexual assault allegations by a girl named Jasmine Baker dating back to 2000. High times for Harry. What followed in the subsequent days was basically every woman in the Austin and Drafthouse film scene of the past fifteen years coming out with a story of Knowles being grabby, groping, and using shit like “show me your tits” and “vienna sausage” to describe his dick in come-on direct messages to women who look him up online. In short, a super fat often wheel-chair bound, Anthony Weiner. So, Larry Flynt. 

Knowles has enjoyed a great deal of status from his own ties to major indie directors and celebrities through the years, as well as being a max-sized idol among the progressive Austin film milieu. Almost all the popping out allegations to date are fairly similar, involving some girl excited to meet with Knowles or hang with him or be part of one of his festivals, only to have their ass or breasts grabbed and some kind of crude sexual innuendo. None of these women reported these incidents at the time, which probably seems fair, since you too would not report Harry Knowles touching your privates with a grin on his face and barbecue sauce stained on his fingers. 

None of the allegations seem to involve any sex or even Cosby level cumming on toes and ears. This perhaps makes the sad orange fat man even sadder. An engorged diabetic softcore rapist who alternatively shares his favorite scenes from Eli Roth movies and double entendres for his difficult to find penis. 

Knowles hasn’t specifically copped to the charges, but made much mention of rehab and detoxifying as he took a leave of absence from AICN. This as most of his long time staff quit and the Alamo Drafthouse, his home away from home, immediately disassociated with him. Expect, oh, another forty women to come forward with gross stories of Jabba asking them to dress up like Slave Leia. This is where being fat and odd looking works against a man. Attractive men have wider groping tolerances. This doesn’t end well for Knowles. 

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