September 9, 2017 | Photos | Elliot Wolf | 0 Comments
Dating as a teenager has taught me so much. One of the valuable lessons that I’ve carried with me into my adult life is to never overindulge in unfamiliar food on date with a stranger you plan on sleeping with. It never ends well. The foreign food will always be faster to get out of you before you’re fast enough to get into her. With roles reversed this time a young lady ended up being the loser in this game of love and lustful hook ups. Reinforcing the notion that most women are overly opportunistic when it comes to avoiding embarrassment.
At some point, the unidentified woman asked to use his bathroom. When she returned, Smyth said, she had “a panicked look in her eye.” Smyth said the woman told him: “I went for a poo in your toilet, and it would not flush.” He then claims the woman confessed to reaching into the toilet bowl, wrapping the dookie in tissue paper and throwing it out of the window. Wanting to be a gentleman, Smyth suggested going outside together, bagging up the offending poo, throwing it away and then pretending “the whole sorry affair had never happened,” he recalled. Unfortunately, the story gets crappier. Smyth’s bathroom window doesn’t open to the garden, but into an 18-inch gap that is separated from the outside world by another non-opening double glazed window. “It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo,” he wrote. According to Smyth, when he went to get a hammer to smash the window, his date decided to climb in headfirst to retrieve the poop herself ? which she was able to do successfully. That’s when they realized she was stuck upside-down.
Her first mistake was shitting at a strangers house. Never go number two in uncharted territory needs to be taught in public schools. Life skills. Her next mistake was handling fecal matter long enough to properly place it in a bag and toss it out of the window. Swipe left on any woman who has no hesitation to touch shit with her bare hands. Her final mistake was not being realistic about her body shape. Remember shoving wooden blocks through the corresponding slot as a child? Round object still don’t pass through slim rectangular holes as an adult. And that’s how this lady won worst Tinder date of all time. The man had to call the fire department to help get her out and a Gofundme to raise money to replace the window.
Photo Credit: Tinder / Instagram / Liam Smyth