Mark Wahlberg Regrets Boogie Nights

Thanks to Weinstein, every white male in Hollywood is rushing to dive into benevolent social activity covers. Mark Wahlberg chose the Catholic Church. Religion being the last refuge of a third rate actor scoundrel.

Wahlberg attended a program in Chicago to encourage local teens to find a home in the Catholic Church. Or the teens not currently dead from the Kandahar like conditions in the city’s gang infested sections. Wahlberg preened next to the Cardinal of the Chicago Archdiocese, Blase Cupich, because all the less obviously gay priest names were taken. 

“I’ve never been shy about sharing my past and the bad decisions I’ve made and being affiliated with gangs, being incarcerated, so absolutely I think they can identify with me on a personal level, and that’s why I’ve continued to try to do as much as I can to help young people. It’s one thing to give money, or to start programs, but to be there and be able to talk to them, and tell them there is someone who has been through the same things they are going through and was able to turn their life around, and turn it into a big positive. That’s always important.”

Wahlberg has trouble directly stating he spent his youth in Boston beating Vietnamese immigrants, including one young man he blinded in one eye for life. It’s not that you should never be forgiven for shitty past behavior, it’s that some people are labeled with it constantly while more fortunate sons are able to bring it up at their own convenience standing next to church VIPs.

Wahlberg was asked if he ever prayed to God to forgive him for any of his past movie choices. You’d think it would be an easy question given that Wahlberg is a notably shitty actor who’s found his way into a ton of shitty movies. He balked for a moment then chose Boogie Nights, because of its racy content. Wahlberg assured the church crowd as a Catholic father of daughters, he’d never take such a role again. What a kiss ass answer at a church event. 

Boogie Nights is the only movie most people will begrudge Wahlberg for a good performance in a good movie that didn’t involve Southie accents. Outside of those years Calvin Klein’s cock decided it had to see Marky Mark in only his underpants, Boogie Nights was clearly the movie that vaulted Wahlberg into legitimate celebrity actor status. Blame P.T. Anderson for everything that followed in the next two decades.

Calling out Boogie Nights as your biggest regret is potentially more heinous than screaming “Gooks get out!” while waving a Buford Pusser two-by-four. It’s super close. God knows you skipped all your Transformers movies and he’s not happy. Ask Blase.