Miley Cyrus Tired of the Cooch

A psychotic woman is a loyal woman. When Miley Cyrus was not participating in the verbal terrorism that some consider singing, or making out with Victoria’s Secret models, she was stalking her way back into her fiancé Liam Hemsworth’s life. She managed to take a break from taking selfies on social media long enough to save her relationship and that means a lot. Because sending daily nudes and selfies on Snapchat is how women remind the world that their inherent narcissism fueled by an internet connection is more important than any other problem going on in the world at the moment. The couple broke up in 2013 probably because Liam realized who exactly he was dating. A white woman trying to get her own BET special. Twerk your way to greatness Miley. 

When Cyrus and Hemsworth notoriously broke up in 2013, Hemsworth wanted to get away from the singer and the life they built. So he began looking for a home in Malibu, away from the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles. But when he found a home he liked, it wasn’t an escape from Cyrus at all. It was actually the house where she had recorded her first album, “Breakout,” as Cyrus explained this week on Howard Stern’s radio show. “The person hid all the plaques in the garage so he would still buy the house,” she told Stern. “So then he went to move in and he was like ‘f—! I cannot get away. This b—- is all over my f—— house!'”Things obviously worked out for the couple who have been back together for over a year. Now, Cyrus said, it’s kind of poetic they ended up living in that house together, and that she wrote such an important song about it.

Somehow out of all the properties to pick Liam ends up with a Malibu residence Miley was living in. And instead of being creeped out at the idea an ex’s old house is your new home they get back together. She’s even openly admitted to spying on Liam when he’s filming movies. He has no one to blame but himself when he tries to break up a second time with drastically more worse results. Possibly involving the police and Miley wearing Hemsworth’s skin. Because there’s no possibility a woman that possessive will ever let you leave her life again. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. 

^{Photo Credit: Terry Richardson}