Robert Patterson Drying His Tears on Katy Perry

Ex-vampire, ex-porn dealer, and Kristen Stewart’s ex-boyfriend Robert Patterson broke off an engagement to the female most recently involved with him, FKA Twigs, for a chance at Katy Perry. The relationship formed between Robert and Twigs is forever engraved in the book of “never saw that coming.” Kristen broke his heart to fulfill her lust to sleep with women. He gets back at her by dating someone whose entire aesthetic inspiration looks like it’s derived from the Museum of Natural History in New York. 

The wedding is off! Robert Pattinson and FKA twigs are officially over, and it appears Katy Perry is stepping in to lend a helping hand. 

E! News has confirmed the Twilight actor and singer split after three years of dating. They made their last public appearance as a couple at the 2017 Cannes Film Festival in May. “Their travel schedules took a big toll on the relationship. Robert is the one who ended it.” Another source also confirms Pattinson initiated the break up. 

“They bought a house together but then it was just not working out between them,” the insider added. “She moved out.” 

Pattinson was spotted getting “extremely affectionate” with longtime friend Katy Perry in early August during a dinner outing in Hollywood.

Our source continued, “No one really understood what he saw in FKA, but they always supported him. As far as Katy goes, they have been good friends for a while. They have many mutual friends and have always kept in touch. They aren’t serious as of now, but Rob has always had an interest in Katy.”

If you wanted to make your ex jealous you should have dated Katy Perry right after Kristen. Getting engaged to some chick who fancies herself an intellectual on social issues and looks like an abstract art painting will not make any past lover feel envy. Katy Perry looks down to do everything Kristen wouldn’t in bed. She’s even into girls too and looks like the type that’s all too eager to share. Being slighted by your on the fence about her own sexuality ex can be soothed with wild tantric sex. It works every time. Katy already gives everyone at her shows great views of the bare glutes. Just imagine the performance you’d receive in private. Maybe you haven’t picked any major movies to star in since Twilight but this could be your turn around. The best part about hitting bottom is the only way to go now is up. That’s if the depression from your always incorrect life choices doesn’t make you want to off yourself. Yeah, don’t do that. Date Katy Perry instead. 

_{Photo Credit: Splash News/ Getty Images}