Tom Hanks Thinks Press Junkets Are Just So Opprobrious

Tom Hanks, who apparently lost his neck in some sort of tragic accident, took time away from looking like a bloated dredged up corpse version of his former self to weigh in on the burden of being a movie star during his TimesTalk Q&A at the Tribeca Performing Arts Center. While Hanks presumably likes starring in movies, he isn’t a fan of the other responsibilities, and during his interview, finally gets real about the seedy underbelly of Hollywood. No, not Harvey Weinstein’s FUPA. The press junket.

Doctors, nurses, construction workers, policemen, and pretty much everybody are just sitting there with their fingers up their asses while actors do the dirty work, and Hanks isn’t going to take it anymore. He’s only a thousand years old so it’s a good time for this public revelation:

A press junket for a motion picture is the most opprobrious thing that human beings have ever been put through. It is merciless. It is a level or corporate branding strategy to the degree of hackery and they honestly think you have the stamina of an ox to drag this piece of s–t movie across international datelines.

It goes on forever until truly you cannot fathom words that are coming out of your mouth. I’m saying this to educate. When you see a movie star talking about their film, understand they hate themselves. The motion picture they made is a blur in the background. Even when they see it, they don’t remember any of it.

Thanks for the education. I’m having trouble coming up with a response as profound as Hanks’ statement. Especially with brainiac’s inclusion of the word “opprobrious.” How about, suck a dick? Appreciating any luxuries that one has enjoyed for decades on end is nearly impossible, so I can’t entirely blame Hanks for forgetting that in order for him to literally own a private island, he needs to get paid in money. In order to get money, people need to want to endorse his product. In order for people to endorse his product, he needs to swallow his pride for three damn seconds and shill like the Kardashians posing next to herbal tea laxative chewables on Instagram. Lady Gaga is hooked up to a Bud Light IV and Hanks can’t help get audiences excited for whatever boring Oscar bait he’s limping to the barn with? At this point I would just skip out on the press junkets altogether if I was Hanks. A) He’s a producer on half his projects, so who’s really going to make him attend and B) No one’s watching his movies anyway. 

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